Let me start by “I am blessed”, ” I am thankful”, “I am loved”… “I love”, “I feel”, “I can”
I am thankful for a wonderful husband and an amazing little girl for whom I want to improve myself. You see, it wasn’t always the case. I just wanted to be a “good” mama, not a “happy” mama, or not even a good person. I focused on raising a self-confident, self motivated little girl – because I am not. Be a good MAMA has been a goal from the day I realized I was a mama (which in my case is not the day my daughter was born), since then, I am reading, learning… searching for every tip and for every educating piece of info I can find.
I’ve discovered a lot, very inspiring people, very inspiring education and parenting paths. I’ve found so much that I became very interested in education in general. I’ve found the importance of early education, of love, of touch, of closeness, of attachment. I’ve found respect, I’ve found kindness, I’ve found acknowledgment and acceptance.
I have found acknowledgment and acceptance… I acknowledged, I accepted, I validated… my daughter’s feelings, not mine. I was missing the most important part of the puzzle, because I didn’t want to see, I didn’t want to deal with it, because it didn’t matter that much to me compared to raising a child. You can only give what you have, what’s yours to give in the 1st place.
I feel lucky to have a wonderful family, loving & caring parents and a great little sister, I am loved and I’m thankful for that – My past made me who I am: a loving and caring person and at the same time, a woman full of insecurity, guilt, criticism, lack of confidence and self-worth issues… my way of seeing the world paints the world for me. The way I see the world, the way I see people becomes my reality & then my daughter’s reality… It doesn’t matter how hard I try, Until I deal with it, I just pass it on
I believe that we all do our best, that we all want what’s is best for ourselves and for others but “our best” is unfortunately limited… very limited.
We all have love and compassion within us, we all seek for closeness, but sometimes we project impatience, frustration, anger, rejection, negativity – most of the time, we don’t even know why and it’s automatic. Every time that happened, I felt guilty. I feel guilty for being a working mama, for thinking too much, for wanting the best so much that I feel anxious and fear. In those situations, my heart is “closed” and for that too, I feel guilty. We were not born like this, we were born ready to connect, open-hearted, this is how we became wired – this is the way we became programmed.
“Your best is limited by who you are, by your own programming, by what happened to you and by the stress you are under right now” (Gabor Mate, in one of his conference) – then even with the best interests in heart, Until you deal with it, you just pass it on
Gabor Mate in that same conference, talked about parental guilt. “the worst thing about guilt: when we feel guilty we don’t see their possibilities, we see their problems – we tend to see our responsibility, “our job” “.
What children need the most is to be loved unconditionally, to be understood and accepted no matter what. If children cannot feel that, if they don’t feel loved and accepted for who they are, they won’t be able to fully accept themselves, then come those self-worth issues, the lack of self-confidence I am trying so much to avoid. It is possible to love unconditionally but for this to happen, we need to accept and love ourselves unconditionally, we need to learn what triggers us and the most important part… we need to deal with it and repair.
What happened in the past is gone and you cannot change it, but the good thing is that, all our negative feelings and negative behaviors, all our guilt patterns are not us, but they are ours to fix and we can change them. They don’t define us, they are not who we are – we are so much more than our guilt, so much more than our negativity, so much more than our impatience – and those patterns, take time to fix.
It’s a matter of acknowledgement, of validation, of self-acceptance… it takes mindfulness and readiness to see yourself just as you are. You see, there are no shortcuts, Until you deal with it, you just pass it on… but once you do, to path to a better life is set.
I can never say that enough, I am thankful for a wonderful husband who reminds me this every day. I am right into my reprogramming process, because adults have the capacity to reprogram, and by doing so I am being a good mama, I deal with it so that I don’t pass it on…