“Please let me grow as I be”, just let me…
It is common to think that, when we become parent it is “our job” to actively teach our children and to lead them to what we believe is best for them. Every moment is an opportunity to “teach”, then we often correct, we often lecture, we interfere because we want the “best”, because it is our “job”, because we are “responsible” or because we are simply doing our best.
I too, like most parents, want the best for my child. Most of the time, when I ask myself what do I mean by “best”, the answer is not always clear or consistent.
When I look at the bigger picture, by “best” I mean: be loved, be appreciated, be self-confident, be self-motivated, be happy. Sometimes, by “best” I mean: be capable, be independent, be “perfect”… this is often when I interfere, fix or correct
We are our children’s primary model … They are wired to follow us, learn from us, they are wired to grow in the environment we provide for them, they are wired to Experience, Try, Learn and figure for themselves. Children see what we do, hear what we say, they observe, they learn to respond the way they see us respond – just like we did when we were kids
“Let me” is so powerful, it reminds me that we all need freedom to be who we are, truly are – and unfortunately, parents expectations from children don’t let them be…
Because I want to – always – look at the bigger picture, I need to understand my child, see who she really is. In order to do that, I need to take a step back and think, work to change my patterns. Here are my reminders:
- Back off and allow some freedom: I try not to interfere with my own beliefs or agenda – which is often harder than we think, especially in morning rushes – I try to let her lead and choose within limits, complete tasks without interfering or try to “guide”.
- Provide her with a suitable environment that allows her to experience, to feel loved & wanted – the environment that allows them to BE and to PLAY…
- Be very careful with the words I use and when I use them – in other words: I try to be careful with Praise, with “yes” directions instead of “no” and without shaming or guilt.
- Trust that she’ll be fine, that she is “big” enough to take decision
- We all learn, especially ME! we were not born parents, we learn to be. I try to be patient and acknowledge my weaknesses in order to be present and “help her grow” just like her
This is very hard for me to remember that she’s not “mine”, that she entered the world learning to be capable every day, every moments of the day.
Thank you Magda Gerber, thank you RIE ♥